1900: ‘The Hundredth Princess’ by Evelyn Sharp
October 28, 2008
Hertzsprung-Russell rating: B10-3
Available in: The Other Side Of The Sun
Synopsis: A forest enchantress bewitches a king (bitches be bewitchin’) and, under her magic spell, the king stops hunting wild animals and begins helping the scullery maids with their chores. Next, she’ll convince the king to start wearing collared shirts and go apple-picking in Mennonite country on Saturday. Pretty soon the king’s royal buddies won’t see him at all and when they do they’ll accuse him of being pussywhipped and remind him they had a pact they formed when they were 17 that they would keep the band together until they made it big and YES THIS STORY IS ABOUT YOU, GARY YOU NEVER SHOULD’VE LET MELISSA BREAK UP SCROTUM POLE!
1901: ‘Mr Skelmersdale In Fairyland’ by H.G. Wells
September 28, 2008
Hertzsprung-Russell rating: B/A1
Available in: Best Short Stories Of H.G. Wells
Wells was the Pink Floyd of early scifi; prolific, visionary beyond his time and British. But this story isn’t one of his best. It’s a foray into fantasy (the ‘magic spell’ kind of fantasy, not the sexy nurse kind) that draws away from the hard scientific foundation of Wells’ more notable work. And when that happens, know what you get? You get Pulse.
1902: ‘The Swine Of The Gods’ by W.B. Yeats
August 28, 2008
Hertzsprung-Russell rating: A10-4.5
Available in: Irish Folk Tales
Two travelers on a lonely road encounter a demonic pig. Terrified, they run, but the bedeviled ham follows them until it vanishes mysteriously, leaving just a whiff of brimstone in the air. Delicious, delicious bacon-scented brimstone. Personally, I prefer my fictional pigs friendly, bipedal and wearing white gloves while gesturing invitingly for me to eat them. That’s also how I prefer my women.
1903: ‘The Riddle’ by Walter de la Mare
July 28, 2008
Hertzsprung-Russell rating: G10-3.5
Available in: 75 Short Masterpieces
A rambling old grandmother in an equally rambling old house warns her grandkids to steer clear of the magical trunk in the attic – it’ll swallow them whole, she warns. They ignore her (as all elderly people everywhere should be ignored) and, sure enough, they vanish one by one as they climb inside. No big loss: if the magical trunk didn’t get them, the bewitched china cabinet or the enchanted credenza would have.
1904: ‘Sold To Satan’ by Mark Twain
June 28, 2008
Hertzsrpung-Russell rating: M10-3
Available in: The Complete Short Stories Of Mark Twain
Synopsis: A man tries to sell his soul to the Devil (the Devil is a sucker; you should lease a soul, not buy it) and discovers that the Devil is made of pure radium, but has been keeping it a secret from humankind. Like the old expression goes, ‘The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled is convincing people he’s not made of pure radium.’ How often does a great story about the elemental table come along? Periodically, I’d say.
1905: ‘With The Night Mail’ by Rudyard Kipling
May 28, 2008
Hertzsprung-Russell rating: F106.5+
Available in: 100 Years Of Science Fiction: Book One
In this visionary tale of a glorious world-to-be, humankind’s airways have become populated with thousands of flying machines that criss-cross the globe delivering goods and sundries. ‘Sundries’ is always plural; you never hear of someone buying a single sundry. While we’re on the subject, what are ‘notions’? And why are some ice cream desserts called ‘novelties’? Ice cream’s been around forever – there’s no novelty to it any more. Unless, of course, you had the notion to make a novelty ice cream sundry. Now that’s visionary – take note, Mr. Kipling.
1906: ‘Finis’ by Frank L. Pollack
April 28, 2008
Hertzsprung-Russell rating: A0.1
Available in: The Oxford Book Of Science Fiction Stories
Things heat up considerably on planet Earth after a gigantic second sun mysteriously appears in our sky. Oceans boil then fall as scalding rain, the sauna industry tanks and Buster Poindexter is mercilessly beaten in the street (which, let’s be honest, was bound to happen anyway). And, yet, the story’s lone Republican congressman still insists global warming is nothing to worry about.
1907: ‘The Voice In The Night’ by William Hope Hodgson
March 28, 2008
Hertzsprung-Russell rating: A10.5
Available in: Voices From The Radium Age
A shipwrecked sailor discovers a mysterious island (it’s always a mysterious island; just once I’d like to read a story about a straightforward, completely forthright island with absolutely nothing to hide) where a weird fungus gradually envelops his entire body. It’s like Matthew McConaughey’s famous line from Dazed & Confused: “Sometimes people are on mushrooms and sometimes mushrooms are on people.” He seems like a fungi.
1908: ‘The Angry Street’ by G.K. Chesterton
February 28, 2008
Hertzsprung-Russell rating: K10-4.5
Available in: The Big Book Of Classic Fantasy
A man discovers that the very street he’s walked along for forty years on his way to work has become angry and resentful and wants to destroy him. So he decides to pursue another avenue of employment, but that turns out to be a dead end. Imagine if every street behaved like people. Bourbon Street would be an angry drunk. Easy Street would promiscuous. And Abbey Road would be an okay street but nowhere near as good as The White Album Boulevard.
1909: ‘Gabriel-Ernest’ by Saki (H.H. Munro)
January 28, 2008
Hertzsrpung-Russell rating: A10-3.5
Available in: The Best Of Saki
A small English town is shocked to discover one of the local boys is actually a werewolf. Conversely, a small English wolfpack is shocked to discover one of the local cubs is a wolfwere. Anyone could be a feral wolf in disguise; I’d start by rounding up Will Ferrell and Dick Wolf. Even if they’re bona fide humans you’ve still got the beginnings of the most hilarious sex crime police procedural ever committed to film.
Scifi Story Scentury 