A Scintillating Scentury Of Scifi And Fantascy Stories!

I’m reading my way through the science fiction and fantasy stories of the 20^th century. Here’s why:

I love science fiction and fantasy novels. But, like most people who received vaccinations as a child, I am full of nanomachines. And as these tiny robots gain more and more control of my body, they demand I spend more and more time studying nanomachine periodicals. Magazines like Popular Nanomechanics and The Nano Yorker. I just don’t seem to have the time to enjoy long-form scifi and fantasy anymore, and am thus forced to read only short stories. In fact, I only have time to read one scifi story published in each year of the 20^th century.

Damn nanomachines.

As a service to those with even less time than me, I will give every story I read a rating, so that the may know which stories are good and which are turds. To do this, I will use the most accurate and well-respected form of literary criticism available, the Hertzsprung-Russell star classification chart:

This chart generates a story rating based on two factors: the quality of the story and its length. Quality is represented by star class letter, O,B,A,F,G,K,M, from bad to good. Length is determined by star luminosity, from 10^-5 solar units (short) to 10⁶ solar units (long).

For example, an excellent 7,000-word story would receive a Hertzsprung-Russell rating of M10². A bad 1,000-word story would receive a Hertzsprung-Russell rating of O10^-4.  It couldn’t be simpler.

To sum up: If you’re looking for pithy, illuminating insight into the science fiction and fantasy stories of the 20^th century, this website may prove to be a complete waste of your time.

Then again, what in this life isn’t?

1920: ‘Polaris’ by H.P. Lovecraft

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: K10^-3.5

Available in: Dagon And Other Macabre Tales

Cthulhu was Lovecraft’s bread and butter, but among his admirable repertoire of non-Cthulhu tales is this one. Read it: if you fail to pick up on its overarching themes of desperation, personal failure and the futile repetition of history, you’ll at least learn the location of the Pole Star, the preferred celestial body of firemen, strippers and Polish people.

1960: ‘My Sister’s Brother’ by Philip Jose Farmer

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: F10^18.5

Available in: The Book Of Philip Jose Farmer

Intercourse between humans and aliens isn’t always the tasteful, soft-lit lovemaking you see on Star Trek and in the studio-owned, unreleased director’s cut of E.T. Sometimes, as in this story, it’s a grotesque biological process involving bizarre skin flaps, pulsing bladders, asexual trenches and a tumescent third leg. Not the Terrestrial slang for ‘penis’, but an actual third leg. Phil Farmer – what a weirdo.

1990: ‘Tower Of Babylon’ by Ted Chiang

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: M10⁴

Available in: Stories Of Your Life And Others

Among Ted Chiang’s small but brilliant body of work is this story, which describes the construction of the titular tower (you know that thing ain’t up to code) and what happens when its builders finally reach Heaven. Whether you’re a contractor looking for tips on how to work with bricks made of baked clay, or just a time-travelling, homesick Babylonian eager for news from back home, this story rocks. Read it, and everybody have fun tonight. Everybody Ted Chiang tonight.

1901: ‘Mr Skelmersdale In Fairyland’ by H.G. Wells

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: B/A1

Available in: Best Short Stories Of H.G. Wells

Wells was the Pink Floyd of early scifi; prolific, visionary beyond his time and British. But this story isn’t one of his best. It’s a foray into fantasy (the ‘magic spell’ kind of fantasy, not the sexy nurse kind) that draws away from the hard scientific foundation of Wells’ more notable work. And when that happens, know what you get? You get Pulse.

1911: ‘The Other Side Of The Hedge’ by E.M. Forster

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: B10^-3

Available in: 50 Great Short Stories

A surreal story in which a nameless narrator plods down a long, dusty road and struggles with life’s burdens. “Plods?’ you exclaim, your interest piqued, “Struggles? Long and dusty?  Sounds like a real page turner!” You’re a cynical jackass. Actually, this story is a highly allegorical tale about our journey through life and our search for truth and success (or, ‘truthcess’). As a rule, I consider everything in life allegorical. Everything is actually something else. This blog, for instance, is actually a sandwich.

1941: ‘The Vortex Blasters’ by E.E. ‘Doc’ Smith

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: O10^3.5

Available in: The Vortex Blasters (duh)

E.E. ‘Doc’ Smith is of an era when professional scifi writers often adopted their former day jobs as nicknames. Smith, for example, maintained a lifelong correspondence with Robert ‘Halal Butcher’ Silverberg, Harry ‘Non-Union-Bull-Inseminator’ Turtledove, and Philip Jose ‘Farmer’. But if Smith was as bad a doctor as ‘The Vortex Blasters’ is a story, I’m going to stop mailing him my urine samples, because I don’t think he knows what he’s doing.

1961: ‘Volume PAA – PYX’ by Fred Saberhagen

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: F10^1.5

Available in: The Book Of Saberhagen

What happens when the leader of a totally totalitarian (‘totallytarian’?) society decides to rebel? Well, I don’t want to give away the ending, but it involves torture, brainwashing and the reconfiguration of reality itself. You want my advice? Saberhagen has way better stuff; read that instead. You want some more of my advice? Learn to drink vodka straight, with no chaser. That way, if you go to a cottage for the weekend you’ll only have to carry one bottle.

 

1971: ‘Ananke’ by Stanislaw Lem

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: O10¹⁷

Available in: More Tales Of Pirx The Pilot

In Stanislaw Lem’s native Poland, the letter ‘w’ is often represented by the letter ‘v’. In tribute, I will follow the same rule for my review of this story. Ahem. This story is wery, wery boring. I would rather have a wiolent wasectomy with a scalpel soaked in winegar and then get kicked and wigourously and wiciously in the testicles by Darth Wader than read it again.

1981: ‘Coaster Time’ by Somtow Sucharitkul

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: A10²

Available in: Fire From The Wine Dark Sea

Man, this is a weird one. It’s about a cult of aliens who ride terrestrial roller-coasters to bring about the arrival of their messiah. That’s right; their messiah demands they ride roller coasters to please Him (Her? It?). I’m an atheist, but if I had to choose a belief system, I’d go for the one where I got to spend every Sunday at an amusement park riding a roller coaster. Their communion wafers are probably funnel cake. And their St. Peter is probably a fortysomething ex-con who’s not supposed to let you in if you don’t meet a minimum height requirement, but usually just says fuck it and looks the other way because he’s making eight bucks an hour. Either way, every earthly religion sucks.

1991: ‘Dispatches From The Revolution’ by Pat Cadigan

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: G10^2.5

Available in: The Mammoth Book Of Alternate Histories

The trick to writing good AltHist is making the world-that-never-was relatable to the reader without getting bogged down by too many scholarly details. Cadigan succeeds with this dystopic tale of 1960’s radicalism that sees the war in Viet Nam won, Kennedy alive and things still in the toilet. This story has a Watchmen-esque feel to it that will unnerve anyone with an ounce of left-leaning blood in their veins.

1942: ‘The Cunning Of The Beast’ by Nelson Bond

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: F/G^3.5

Available in: The Thirty-First Of February

Things I love: fart jokes, lollipops, the songs of Tom T. Hall, and stories where historical and/or cultural phenomena are explained as being the result of alien intervention. In this tale, God is an alien scientist who was exiled to Earth by His alien superiors because He created a disobedient race of creatures called ‘humans’. Take it away, Tom T. Hall: ‘I love candy on a stick/fart jokes that are sick/songs by Tom T. Hall/and scifi stories where historical and cultural phenomena are explained as being the result of alien intervention.’ Okay, the lyrics need some polishing, but cut Tom T. Hall some slack; he’s 75, for Christ’s sake.

1952: ‘Stair Trick’ by Mildred Clingerman

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: M10^-3

Available in: A Cupful Of Space

A short, beautiful, surreal story in which the basement of a nondescript dive bar contains a portal to another dimension. And that’s why you should patronize locally-owned watering holes instead of faux-Irish chain ‘pubs’; in addition to never forcing you to listen to a Chinese girl in a kilt tell you the special of the day is traditional Irish lasagna with a pint of Bud for $13.99, they also contain portals to other dimensions.

1962: ‘Man Without A Planet’ by Kate Wilhelm

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: F/G10^-2.5

Available in: The Best From Fantasy & Science Fiction

Dirt: we earthlings never realize how important it is until we don’t have any under us, on us, or in us. In this story, a criminal exiled in space longs for the brown, brown ground of home. The lesson? Don’t take Earth dirt for granted. Stop washing your potatoes before you eat them. Re-watch the seminal 2001 David Spade comedy Joe Dirt. And for Christ’s sake lay off the Tide.

1972: ’26 Days, On Earth’ by Joe Haldeman

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: B10³

Available in: Infinite Dreams

A highly-advanced human mutant catches shit from his muttie brethren for canoodling with a run-of-the-mill homo sapiens female. Apparently, mutants are the Southerners of the future and don’t like miscegenatin’ bloodlines and such. Also, if you’re Jewish and stop at a mutant gas station, they’ll glare at you menacingly with their third infrared eye and tell you telepathically they don’t like your kind ‘round those parts. Also, they’ll sodomize Ned Beatty.

1992: ‘The Space Traders’ by Derrick Bell

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: G10^6.5

Available in: Faces At The Bottom Of The Well

Aliens land in America with a deal: they’ll give Americans enough gold to wipe out the national debt and extraterrestrial technology that will reverse pollution. In return, they want all the black people (and they’ll be checking, so don’t try to slip any Mexicans in there at the bottom of the pile!) Someone get me a Cosby sweater, because this is a chilling commentary on race in America.

1913: ‘The Horror Of The Heights’ by Arthur Conan Doyle

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: F0.1

Available in: The Best Science Fiction Of Arthur Conan Doyle

In this story, Doyle postulates colonies of bloodthirsty creatures which inhabit the upper skies, attacking and beheading aviators and tossing their noggin-less corpses to the ground far below. So, technically, The Weather Girls were correct. Initially this premise is horrifying, but having recently sat through The Green Hornet on a four-hour Air Canada flight to Tampa, a mid-air beheading doesn’t sound so bad.

1963: ‘’Tis The Season To Be Jelly’ by Richard Matheson

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: A10^-3

Available in: Button, Button

In a radioactive, post-apocalyptic America (where, in addition to red states and blue states, there are now incandescent green states), a clan of mutant backwoods hillbillies go about their daily lives, which involve foraging for food and having body parts fall off. So, basically, if you live in the American South and there’s a nuke war, you’re really no worse off than you were before.

1973: ‘Some Are Born Cats’ by Terry Carr and Carol Carr

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: O1

Available in: Creatures From Beyond

A young couple discovers that common housecats are actually an intelligent alien species from space. They’re here, no doubt, to plunder our lasagna reserves and enslave humankind in the litter mines of Katssell. And dogs are all, like, “Dude, we told you. Didn’t we tell you?”

1934: ‘Queen Of The Black Coast’ by Robert E. Howard

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: F10^5.5

Available in: Conan The Barbarian

In this story, the Sneerin’ Cimmerian (that rhyme is lame and I know it) joins a pirate crew and goes adventuring after some jewels or something. Or maybe it’s an idol. Or maybe it’s Billy Idol. Whatever. All Conan stories kinda blur together, but you gotta love ‘em. Otherwise you’ll get your whoreson head split to the collarbone with a great axe.

1944: ‘Killdozer!’ by Theodore Sturgeon

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: A10¹⁷

Available in: The Mammoth Book Of Golden Age Science Fiction

The language is corny, the characters are 1D and the title has an exclamation mark after it. But, despite all that, this classic story about a possessed and rampaging bulldozer is quite enjoyable. It is a testament to Sturgeon’s mastery of language that he is able to make a detailed technical description of heavy machinery interesting to read for more than fifty pages. Indeed, his skill at keeping the reader ‘hooked’ is why he eventually had a fish named in his honour.

1954: ‘One Way Street’ by Jerome Bixby

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: A10^2.5

Available in: Robert Adams’ Book Of Alternate Worlds

So many alternate history tales go wrong because they posit realities which differ from ours in ways only appreciated by historical scholars (‘Imagine if Jacob van Arteveld had aligned against Bruges and Ypres in 1337; what a deliciously topsy-turvy world we’d live in now!’). In Earth II of ‘One Way Street’, Toulouse-Lautrec was of average height. Awesome.

1964: ‘Dolphin’s Way’ by Gordon Dickson

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: F10^2.5

Available in: The Book Of Gordon Dickson

When aliens land, it ain’t homo sapiens they want to talk to. It’s those fun, fin-tastic chickens of the sea, the dolphins. Humanity cock-blocked by dolphins! I can’t say I’m surprised, though. The dolphins are intelligent, empathetic, and have a real shot at the playoffs now that Matt Moore has recovered from last season’s injury. Humans are kinda shit. We’re dumb, selfish, and any attempt to jury-rig a blowhole in the back of our skulls with a Makita cordless drill and a hand mirror results in yet another visit to the E.R.

1974: ‘Sign At The End Of The Universe’ by Duane Ackerman

Hertzsprung-Russell Rating: A10^-5

Available in: 100 Great Science Fiction Short Short Stories

Got a second? That’s how long it’ll take you to read this three-word story (spoiler alert: the last word is ‘up’). There’s a famous anecdote about Hemmingway writing a six-word story (‘For sale: baby shoes, never worn.’) but ‘Sign At The End Of The Universe’ is half as long as Papa’s. Which means, of course, that Duane Ackerman is twice as good a writer as Ernest Hemmingway.

1994: ‘Black Betsy’ by Dean Wesley Smith

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: G0.5

Available in: Alternate Outlaws

A charming little alt-hist tale about a friendly bartender who helps a customer go back in time to meet ‘Shoeless Joe’ Jackson and change the history of baseball. It’s kinda like Cheers, Quantum Leap, and, uh, what’s another show I watched in the 80’s?….let’s say, Night Court, all rolled into one. Interesting footnote: between the two of them, ‘Shoeless Joe’ Jackson and White Sox teammate ‘Shirtless John’ Jefferson couldn’t get service in most convenience stores.

1945: ‘What You Need’ by Henry Kuttner and C.L. Moore

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: G/K10

Available in: The Twilight Zone – The Original Stories

A guy with the ability to see all possible future timelines provides people with everyday items they’ll need to better themselves in those timelines – non-slip shoes, scissors, a dildo, a comb (just checking to see if you’re paying attention [he never gives anyone a comb]). This story was made into a classic episode of The Twilight Zone, so if it would help you for me to type like Rod Serling spoke, I’ll try: “THIS IS A story ABOUT A MAN WITH A gift. A GIFT THAT, WHEN opened, ALSO OPENS THE door TO A strange AND OMINOUS place, KNOWN as……LINE?” Pretty good, huh?

1955: ‘The Dragon’ by Ray Bradbury

Hertzsprung-Russell Rating: M10^-4

Available in: The Day It Rained Forever

Things you can’t argue with: a shark attack, gravity, the Mafia and the fact that Ray Bradbury is perhaps the greatest writer of the 20^th century in any genre. ‘The Dragon’ is a remarkable fusion of fantasy and time travel, simply constructed and beautifully presented. And if you argue, I’ll send a Mafioso shark to your house to push you down.

1965: ‘A Better Mousehole’ by Edgar Pangborn

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: B0.5

Available in: Good Neighbors And Other Strangers

Little blue alien bugs invade Earth and fill hitherto normal people with self-loathing and rabid misanthropy. Apparently the office where I work is their base of operations.  Pangborn is a great writer, but this story didn’t quite cut the mustard. I didn’t relish it at all and just wanted to finish it Quik-ly  (so I use Strawberry Quik as a condiment – sue me.)

 

1985: ‘Logic Is Logic’ by Isaac Asimov

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: B10^-2

Available in: Azazel

This story is part of a series of ‘comedic’ (the great thing about the printed word is that you don’t have to use air quotes: you can use real ones!) fantasies Asimov wrote about a demonic imp named Azazel who grants humans their hearts’ desires, only to leave them disappointed with the results. The moral? Impin’ ain’t easy.

1946: ‘Sweet Mystery Of Life’ by John Russell Fearn

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: O/B10

Available in: Thrilling Wonder Stories, Vol. XXIX, No. 3

A Nebraska-grade corny story about a spore-woman from Venus who lands on Earth and grows in a man’s garden. Any guy who can grow a woman from scratch must have quite a green thumb, but the fact that she’s described as being buxom, beautiful, and rooted to the ground tells me it’s not his thumb she should be worried about.

1956: ‘Tomb Tapper’ by James Blish

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: G10⁴

Available in: Galactic Cluster

Do you like surprise endings? For example; would it thrill you if, instead of the question mark you were expecting at the end of this sentence, there was a miniature picture of Bob Uecker instead Then you should read this story. It has a surprise ending that’ll make that question mark/Uecker thing seem hackneyed and pathetic by comparison. Much like Bob Uecker himself (bet you didn’t see that coming, Uecker!)

1966: ‘Planet Of Fakers’ by J.T. McIntosh

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: F10⁹

Available in: The Twelve Frights Of Christmas

Aliens with the ability to mimic humans infiltrate a space colony, and the captain is forced to take desperate measures to figure out who’s who, and who’s an ‘it’. Do you have what it takes to be a captain? One of these blogs is an alien mimic. Figure out which one it is and eliminate it.

1966: ‘Planet Of Fakers’ by J.T. McIntosh

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: F10⁹

Available in: The Twelve Frights Of Christmas

Aliens with the ability to mimic humans infiltrate a space colony, and the captain is forced to take desperate measures to figure out who’s who, and who’s an ‘it’. Do you have what it takes to be a captain? One of these blogs is an alien mimic. Figure out which one it is and eliminate it.

1976: ‘The Barrow’ by Ursula K. Le Guin

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: K0.1

Available in: Orsinian Tales

An arrogant travelling priest tries in vain to convert a barbaric mountain tribe to Christianity. But the village chieftain, having none of it, slits the priest’s throat (God, while omnipresent, is nowhere to be found at the time of the priest’s gurgling death). A nice little gem of a story that reminds us that, while many of us make sacrifices for our careers, a few of us actually become them.

1986: ‘Marwe’s Forest’ by Charles R. Saunders

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: A10^-2.5

Available in: Sword And Sorceress III

A wandering African female warrior meets a shape-shifting succubus in the jungle and is lured into a life of captive lesbian sexuality that makes said jungle even hotter and stankier than it is. ‘Marwe’s Forest’ is part of an anthology of ‘female fantasy’ that purportedly celebrates strong female characters penned by strong female writers, but it’s written by a guy and is naught but boner-inducing jack-fodder. You get the feeling it started off as something serious and sincere, but kept coming back from a cigar-chomping editor with ‘NEEDS MORE TITS’ scrawled in the margins. And tits it got.

1947: ‘Donkeys To Bald Pate’ by Samuel Mines

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: B0.5

Available in: Thrilling Wonder Stories, Volume XXX, No. 3

A  mapcap tale in which highly-intelligent donkeys enslave humans. They’re all, like, ‘Fuck this – you guys pull the carts and carry Juan Valdez’ coffee and bring Jesus into Jerusalem and be the briefly amusing but now thoroughly grating comic sidekick in Shrek.’ Basically, it’s Planet Of The Apes, but with donkeys (and somewhere, someone has spoken the previous sentence to the head of a movie studio, who is currently writing them a cheque for a hundred million dollars.)

1957: ‘Goddess In Granite’ by Robert F. Young

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: F10⁴

Available in: The Worlds Of Robert F. Young

An interplanetary mountaineer becomes sexually obsessed with a woman-shaped mountain and decides to ‘tap’ that. Mostly with a mountain-climbing hammer. But he gets his pitons in a knot when he reaches the top and realizes he’s not the first one to plant his flag in her moist, quivering peak. That ignominious, igneous bitch! That’s why, geologically speaking, I’m an isthmus man.

1977: ‘The Dust Of Evening’ by Robert Crais

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: O/B5

Available in: 2076: The American Tricentennial

A bad story about badass post-apocalyptic bikers hunting each other down in the badlands of America. Do I feel slurping on my scrotum? Cuz this story sucked the bag. It’s written in that ‘weird-for-the-sake-of-weird’ style that was passed off as creative innovation in the 1970’s, but is really just shallow, non-linear storytelling that leaves the reader dazed and confused with none of the benefit of a murky violin bow guitar solo. It’s just bag-suckin’ bad, is what it is.

1948: ‘In Hiding’ by Wilmar H. Shiras

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: B10¹¹

Available in: The Science Fiction Hall Of Fame Volume IIB

Rumour has it this story served as the inspiration for Marvel’s X-Men: a psychiatry professor (possibly bald; it’s not explicitly stated that he is, but we have no reason to assume he’s not) discovers a brilliant mutant child (possibly with the innate ability to shoot lasers from his eyes; it’s never alluded to, but we have no reason to assume it couldn’t happen) and encourages him to seek out and band together with other mutant children (possibly to fight Magneto; no such conflict is even hinted at, but we should just go ahead and imagine that’s what the authour intended).  Also, the word SNIKT! appears over 400 times in the story.

1958: ‘Shark Ship’ by C.M. Kornbluth

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: G/K10⁹

Available in: A Mile Beyond The Moon

C.M.K. doesn’t seem to have a bad writing bone in his body; not a punny tibia or hackneyed distal phalange to be found. ‘Shark Ship’ begins as a story about a future civilization living at sea, and ends up touring the abandoned slums of New York City. Like a Nazi slipping on a banana peel it’s all at once scary and hilarious, and proves that the Jew-run banana peel industry is still very much a threat.

1968: ‘A Night In Elf Hill’ by Norman Spinrad

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: G1

Available in: The Farthest Reaches

Spinrad spins a rad yarn about a vanished alien civilization that leaves behind a stately pleasuredome designed to lure humans into eternal paradise. I like this story because it uses the word ‘spacer’ to describe professional interstellar travelers. Such a sadly optimistic, fun, corny, word. ‘Spacer’. Say it with me now: ‘spacer’. Neat.

1978: ‘Count The Clock That Tells The Time’ by Harlan Ellison

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: K/M10²

Available in: Shatterday

Fuckin’ Harlan Ellison’s awesome. Not having intercourse with him, mind you; I mean, he’s a fuckin’ awesome writer. This is a chilling tale about the special hell that awaits people who waste their lives (by, say, writing and reading blogs about science fiction), all told with Ellison’s trademark blend of Beauty N’ Horror^TM. Plus, look at the cover of Shatterday. Doesn’t that just beg for a caption-writing contest?!? Here’s mine:‘Talk about a wrong number!’ Intercourse with Harlan Ellison is awesome.

1939: ‘Lifeline’ by Robert A. Heinlein

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: A10^3.5

Available in: Expanded Universe

A scientist devises a method for predicting the exact time and date of a person’s death, thus negating the need for life insurance, and gets himself whacked by the Life Insurance syndicate for his trouble (“Make it look like a pre-existin’ condition, ya got it, boys?”) Predicting the date and time of my death doesn’t impress me much. Predict the weather. That way, I can let everyone know how to dress for my funeral.

1949: ‘Let The Ants Try’ by Frederick Pohl

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: A/F1

Available in: Alternating Currents

After a nuclear holocaust, a dude goes back in time to prehistoric days to try and change history, but returns to find ants ruling the world. And said ants fuckin’ kill him. D’jever notice that, post WWII, everyone was terrified of ants? If I had a nickel for every mid-20^th century scifi story that posits a future where ants rule the world, I’d have thousands of sugar-standard-based ant dollars I could use to buy a 20,000-room anthill right beside a picnic basket. I’d just sit on my thorax all day while my centipede butler brought me cookie crumbs. That’d be the life.

1959: ‘The Mind Spider’ by Fritz Leiber

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: A/F10

Available in: The Mind Spider And Other Stories

This story has something for everyone: a family of telepaths and an unfathomably evil presence from beyond the stars imprisoned at the South Pole which they band together to defeat. On second thought, this story doesn’t really have something for everyone. In fact, the segment of people this story appeals to is incredibly small: the intersection of the Venn diagram for readers who enjoy both familial telepathy and imprisoned evil looks like Smurfette’s vagina. Still, ich liebe Leiber.

 

1969: ‘Can You Feel Anything When I Do This?’ by Robert Sheckley

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: B/A0.1

Available in: From The “S” File

A comic future tale where humans are cold, impersonal, and detached, and machines pine desperately for our love. I can relate. I’ve only had my iPod for two weeks and it wants me to move in with it and meet its parents. It’s too much, baby! You’re smothering me! I know you provide me with 60G of storage, but I need some space!

1979: ‘The Age Of The Warrior’ by Hank Reinhardt

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: A/F1

Available in: Heroic Fantasy

You probably recognize the cover of this anthology from the popular website Comely Maidens With Douchebags, but the real treats are the stories inside. In ‘The Age Of The Warrior’ an old knight goes on one last quest to prove there’s still some tilt in his lance, and in the process raises some poignant…um….points….about what it means to get old. In this case, it means he is brutally slain.

2000: ‘Steppenpferd’ by Brian Aldiss

Hertzsprung-Russell rating: F0.5

Available in: Supertoys Last All Summer Long

This is good entry-level Aldiss: a more-or-less straightforward tale about an alien invasion and a single terrestrial priest struggling to maintain his faith in the face of powers much greater than his beloved Biblical God. Many of the other stories in this anthology were, I found, too weird for words. Mind you, the phrase ‘too weird for words’ actually uses words, so I guess it’s somewhat redundant. Not to mention redundant.